Ben got a promotion. The City of Gresham has hired him to take pictures of sewers (read: POOP). It is a limited term, union job. He will be a Teamster. We will get benefits. He will make more money. And, last but not least, he will be working the swing shift. Which means, I get to quick my stupid job and find something on the swing shift as well.
I have told people I work with that Ben got a new job working three to midnight. Strangely, no one has caught on that this means I will be quitting. Which is good. But what can they be thinking, "Wow, how great for Sue, now she can be at this stressful, stupid, low-paying job during the day and never get to see her husband in the evening. Ideal! I envy her."
10:26 AM | permalink
I overheard a bagel conversation at Starbucks the other morning. Starbucks only sells cold bagels. One barista excitedly exclaimed, "They're testing toasters in Seattle."
7:32 AM | permalink
Thursday, October 31
Only three sets of trick-or-treaters tonight. Lame. On the up side, I have become one of those adults that, as a kid, I considered to be the ideal Halloween host. No weirdness, no asking dumb questions, no trying to get a trick instead of giving treats, no pencils. I just complement the costumes and fork over heaping-handfuls of Snickers, Reeses peanut-butter cups, and M&Ms. I got so overzealous at one point candy started falling on the ground, one treater grew concerned, "Mason, you're squishing a Musketeer bar!"
8:48 PM | permalink
Wednesday, October 30
(Think of Jerry Seindfeld's voice as you read this. Sorry.)
Why should I pay more for baby spinach? They get to harvest quicker and make three dollars more a pound. What is the deal with that?
8:27 PM | permalink
Tuesday, October 29
I stepped on a cat today. It was fucking horrible. There is a cat in our office, named P-trap. (What else do you name a Plumber's cat?). P-trap has had a rough couple of weeks. He has a habit of picking fights with other cats and losing. He is recovering from surgery to remove an abcess received during his latest bout. There is a large shaved area on his hind quarters, which clearly is humiliating for him.
I am not a cat person, never had the chance to be due to an allergy. But there have been several cats I have met and admired. P-trap is not one of them. He is the ultimate loner cat. A Human user. He skulks about the office, rarely giving affection, yet expecting constant adoration.
I had just used the bathroom, which happens to be inside the breakroom (don't get me started). I left the bathroom and was reaching for the door knob to exit the breakroom when I felt something underneath my foot that had no business there, and before I could process the thought there was a terrible, feline scream. I screamed back, "JESUS CHRIST, P-TRAP!"
I looked down to see an angry, surprised cat face. I opened the door and the cat rushed away from me into the hall. But, unlike a dog who would either run as far away as possible or rest for a moment and then seek a reconcilation, P-trap sat a few feet away glaring at me and licking his haunches. Several people came out of their offices to laugh at the commotion. P-trap's demeanor was accusatory, as if asking them, "Did you see what she did to me?" The cat and I were in quite a state. We didn't know what to do with each other. Frankly, I am scared of the cat now. I went back my office and was rattled for the next hour, the sound of cat shrieks in my ear and an unpleasant, guilty sensation in my left foot.
7:51 PM | permalink
Monday, October 28
I have been a busy little social bee these past few days. Sunday, I went to a Stitch & Bitch hosted by the fine ladies at The Red Sweater. And tonight I was invited to dinner with a co-worker and his girlfriend. Now I want to crawl into a hole for a few days and adjust to the fact that it's dark at 5:30 in the afternoon. Halloween approaches, I do not even have a pumpkin yet. And this was the year I was going to dress up, even if I all do is pass out candy to teenagers, who seem to be the only people who bother to trick or treat anymore.
7:29 PM | permalink
